We like to like, dislike, rate, and criticize each other more than ever before, and the algorithm makes everything worse. So let’s talk about how we talk about each other.
We live in an age of unbridled opining. Everything and everyone is subjected to our ruthless judgement, our constant bickering, our incessant self-serving destruction of anything deemed by us imperfect or somehow flawed. We love to ridicule people. We do not even let anything or anyone develop anymore. We do not allow for mistakes, for experiments, for partial success. We do not give grace if we do not completely agree. In fact, anything not identical to us, anything we do not completely agree with, anything we suspect of differing from our politics is punished relentlessly.
At the same time, we are not paying any real attention to anything anymore. The damnation and ridicule we so ruthlessly dole out is typically based on superficialities, on ideology only barely understood, on information lacklusterly gathered, and increasingly, based on algorithmic amplification and crowd-pleasing denigration of the lives and works of others.
This has to stop.
The thought we should have when thinking of judging others could very well be that this could be us. Would we want to be treated like that? This was supposed to be the gold standard, this was supposed to be the Golden Rule. It is out the window — even though the Golden Rule itself could very well be characterized as the bare minimum. The fact that we would need to appeal to our own selfish needs and project them unto others to recognize that in such a potential role reversal we would not like this being done to us, that fact is simply pitiful. We should not need to see ourselves in others; we should recognize others in their own right.
Treating others primarily with judgement and disdain is not just wrong because we wouldn’t like it either; it is wrong on its face. Rejection should not be our primary mode of being; appreciation should.
One obvious caveat though: There are a few professions out there where people are actually being trained for receiving critique — mainly academia. Politics would be another such area. But typically, we are not taught to handle this treatment.
Let’s look at a few examples.
I have been teaching at college level for a long time, at a wide variety of universities. The pain of part time or adjunct work can also be a gain: I have had to navigate different academic and national cultures. The one constant throughout all of this has become that I am finding grading students increasingly hard, especially once we have real and more complex conversations about topics that matter deeply to actual human beings. Who am I to judge such interactions? I do not teach information only, I also, perhaps even more so, teach critical thinking and deep reflecting, and how to relate to others. My role is to teach, and yes, critique and sometimes judgement and gatekeeping is part of this. But I know very well that learning can happen with quite a delay. Some lessons are understood only years if not decades later. I would like to thank some of my teachers and professors that are long dead, but it took me that long to appreciate what I actually learned from them. And like them, I am in the teaching business, not the punishing business. Learning is a gift that unfolds over time, hopefully, and for that to succeed, it should be handed out with care, not with the potential for automatic rejection. My students rely on me to provide them with a chance to learn and to prove themselves and to feel appreciated in their curiosity; and if I provide such a framework, if I deepen their curiosity, if I deepen their desire to truly think and reflect beyond the obvious, I am rarely disappointed.
Excessive critique is destructive. Fan criticism has destroyed many an artist, and it has destroyed many works of art.
Let us look at another example next to teaching that is dear to me, the fragile genre of science fiction. The constant bickering and opining unleashed against any new Star Trek show, the most recent Star Wars, and especially Stargate: Universe has prevented entire seasons or shows from being made. The voices of a vociferous few who are not in the creative business can have the most destructive consequences on the voices of the precious few who are. If you don’t like something, let it be, and let those who are enjoying it enjoy it.
Looking back at some movie reviews I have written myself, I do understand the desire to be witty, the thrill of a determined takedown, the self-congratulatory feeling after the dirty deed was done. And yet, by now, these feel stale. Who am I to judge?
A third example, the borderlands of science and academia. Let new ideas be out there, let them be tested, do not let that which is established stand in the way of the new if the new could indeed stand the test of time eventually. Do not nip in the bud any of the possible explorations of the extraordinary and the unknown and the repressed. Yes, we do need to sometimes serve as gatekeepers, but maybe some side doors should be available for new ideas to rise up and shine. We should not judge with suspicion but critique with curiosity and appreciation.
This suspicion we bring towards things is oftentimes connected to our politics, and to illusions of purity and infallibility. There are many people I disagree with who nevertheless can say some other things I am happy to listen to. This is life. I may not like your politics, I may not like what you say about subject x, and I am willing to talk with you about it, but I am still curious what you have to say about subjects y and z that really intrigue me and I am willing to let the other things not stand in the way of my curiosity and of my appreciation of you as a fellow being.
Let us not judge but look at things with appreciation. If it differs from our expectations, what new perspectives might this allow for? If something doesn’t work out, we can talk about this gently, with kind encouragement rather than with wrath and fury. Our critique should be enabling and encouraging, and inviting of new work to grow and mature rather than to stifle it.
Let those who want to do, do. Live and let live. You may not like it, you may not think some new materials are as good as what came before — then do it better, or rewatch the old.
I have never liked the idea of the Roman colosseum, of games, of thumbs up, down or sideways. It is as barbaric as Rome itself was barbaric in its sentiments. We should know better. We can do better. We must do better.
Please. For the sake of all of us, stop the negativity, and appreciate each other, warts and all.
Erratic Attempts 