#335: Moderation is Unpopular but Needed

If you think you’ve lived through some intense weeks recently, you’re not alone. How would we — how should we react to this?

We’ve lived through some intense times recently. I don’t think it’s outrageous to say that. Things have been going on in recent weeks that have been a bit concerning — domestically, internationally, wherever you look. I may be downplaying here, but that is partially so that I can still remain open to hope, because hope would be the last thing to want to lose.

Also, I find that anger is not as productive as many people believe. And that’s because it shuts us off from listening to arguments on the perceived other side. When I say “perceived other side” — how can I say that? Of course, there are always people that we disagree with, their actions that we disagree with. You could argue that means that is the other side. But if we are honest with each other, we also already know that a lot of the things that we attribute to the other side, whatever that may be, can also be found within us to a certain degree.

We have all the same feelings, maybe to different degrees, but every life form has feelings. The intensity may differ. Intense feelings can be good, but intense feelings also make it very difficult to climb down a tree that we may have metaphorically climbed up.

So I don’t want to speak too concretely about anything that you may want me to speak about, because it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter what concretely is happening. What matters is that there are always things happening that we don’t agree with. There are some things that create situations that are absolutely unacceptable — and that has been going on throughout time, which is why I don’t need a specific example here. I just can stay with generalities. I hope.

But there’s one thing that is always true: you cannot successfully, sustainably fight one form of extremism with another form of extremism. You can try, but it will probably be a losing proposition. It may seem to work in the short term, but short-term thinking is exactly what brings us into these problems.

A more long-term perspective — not too long-term either, but at least a few years, decades, centuries — should help us see that we are always seemingly fluttering around from one extreme to the other. Eventually, we are always going to have to come to the center. We always have to seek some form of moderation.

Now, you could argue that moderation eventually comes from this interplay of one side, the other side, one side, the other side, coming down in the middle. But here’s the problem with that: this abstract form of thinking ignores the suffering and pain caused in the short term.

And if you believe that life matters, if you believe that the outcome should be a more peaceful, more moderate, more just society, then we need to model that outcome already. We cannot expect that other people see our eventual aim — of a life-affirming, justice-affirming moderation, of a world that works for everybody. They cannot see this aim if we act contrary to that.

We need to, as that old saying goes, actually be the change already that we want to be. We need to already live according to the principles that we aspire to.

Too many radical movements in the past — whether on whatever side you think, left, right, whatever, middle — too many of these radical movements have said, “Just follow us. Just do this. It may be extreme, but eventually you’ll see what the purpose will be.” How can you trust this? Knowing full well that if you follow such a philosophy, it will eventually lead to this style winning out.

If you only communicate in extreme ways — shouting, hyperbole, attacking other people, not listening, only waiting so you can respond — this sets the tone. This sets the standards. This is what people see, and this is how people then learn how to behave, because there are always new people. There are always young people. There is also artificial intelligence that learns from us.

As everybody who in any form has been in either parenting or teaching knows — you do not teach by telling people what to do. You teach by showing people who they could become, by being the example. That’s the only way to raise people. That’s the only way to teach. They need to see you having benefited from what you’re telling people. They need to see you actually following the rules that you’re communicating to people.

And so eventually, if the aim is to somehow come to a place where we all get along, we need to practice this now. We need to do what we can to bring people together, to already practice moderation.

And it’s hard, because it’s unpopular. It is very unpopular right now, because the seduction of fractured times will be to double down on supporting only your side. The seduction right now is to deepen division.

Our algorithms in social media — to which what I’m saying here will be extremely uninteresting — these algorithms want us to hate each other. They want us to scream at each other. They want us to make outrageous statements so that people can say, “Oh, look at this idiot,” and then have comments and whatever. I don’t like this style.

This means that channels like this probably don’t have much of a return on investment. But so be it. I feel this is needed. I feel we need to all calm ourselves down, because I can tell you there’s an anger inside of me too. There’s frustration. There’s resignation.

But we cannot give up. We must not give up.

There are future generations — not just in your country, but other countries — that are looking to us, those who are a little older, to say: the path is not a path of darkness, not of hate, not of division, not of pushing back aggressively. Pushing back sustainably, carefully, and lastingly.

See, if you want to have people listen to you, you need to know what they want. You need to see them as not the evil that needs to be fought. You need to see them as fellow human beings that could just as well be a variant of you.

People change their minds all the time. People become different people throughout their lives. We need to be kinder in our heads towards other people, even if they do things we disagree with. And we need to communicate that we are willing to entertain that notion.

And only then — when we realize that I am thou and thou is I — only then will we actually be able to arrive in a society where we do realize: all we’ve wanted all along was to just get along with each other, to live with each other, to love each other.

And how we do this — that is the really tricky question. But the how can only arrive through an attitude of constructively getting together, coming together, listening to everybody, and not demonizing each other.

Thank you. This is my quasi-sermon for today.

Ceterum censeo Ucrainam esse defendam. Слава Україні!